At the beginning of a new year we all have great intentions to better ourselves in some way, shape, or form. During 2022, I experienced a good deal of angst. I even posted blogs about some of the issues, like regrouping, moving forward, and improving my motivation, that caused all that anxiety. In November, I had a bit of a meltdown, which led to what I called a "reset." I decided that my husband and I needed to escape to a place so different than where and how we live that we wouldn't need to think about anything but being alive. I even set up airline and lodging reservations -- I almost hit send before I talked with my husband, but called him over to my computer as my finger hovered over the submit button. We spent a week in Central America, and I worked in the Public Health clinic the day after we returned for the very last time.
As 2023 began, I had every intention of following through on the thoughts and exhortations I shared with others through my blog posts. Now, though, more than 12% of 2023 is already gone, sifting through the hourglass of time.
It feels like the battery has run down on whatever is supposed to power my reset, as I continually try to motivate myself to regroup and start moving forward. I have even spoken to my healthcare provider about my anxiety, which actually helped a bit. It helped me to have spoken my personal concerns to someone other than those in cyberspace who may read my blog.
I'm mostly quite happy. I've been in great health, and even somehow never tested positive for COVID when my husband tested positive for the first time ever. I've already skied 22 times this season, despite bitter cold temperatures. I've mostly kept to my plan to attend two exercise classes each week, only missing when out of town or indisposed for some essential reason. I've been busy, engaging with friends and members of my family. Our whole family was even all together at our home in the Mountain West for the first time since the first three grandchildren were a year old in 2019. Families of four from the east and west coasts flew in, and a third family of three drove here from several hours south of us. We celebrated my husband's 70th birthday, eating comfort food, playing in the very-cold-and-snowy outdoors, and enjoying each other without a single moment of bickering -- actually, the toddlers bickered sometimes... While everyone was here, I loved that we could also celebrate special things that have occurred in the lives of our three 30-something children.
When I'm not happy it's because I obsess over things that agitate me. I'd like to learn how to "let it go," like Elsa in "Frozen."
Unfortunately, I'm not a magical spirit of Nature in an animated cartoon land. I'm obviously approaching a state of obsession as I write this blog, but I've learned some tricks for breaking the focus on something that agitates me before it causes a problem. I compose in front of a large window, and can look up at dozens of birds at five separate feeders. The Chickadees, Goldfinches, Evening Grosbeaks, Hairy and Downy Woodpeckers, Clark's Nutcrackers, Stellar's Jays, Canada Jays, Rose-breasted Nuthatches, and even the Magpies can break any growing agitation -- it's only when I see the squirrel chasing them away from the feeders that my hackles raise!
So... reset when necessary, talk to someone, enjoy family and friends, find ways to break obsessive focus on things that cause anxiety, let some things go in a real way. Next time, I'll write about how anxiety is essential and good for healthy people.
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